I have found myself trying to help a lot of my male friends understand that most men live life by a simple creed: “give me a problem, I’ll give you a solution.” And that works really well when all you need to do is get things done! As a hunter-gather, it’s mandatory to have this mindset. From bringing home the bacon to going off to war, this mindset is the key to survival!
But a family, a wife and children, are not simple problems to be solved! It’s a mistake to approach the family with a “fix it and done” attitude! Sometimes there’s nothing to fix! A family is composed of human beings with feelings that share comforting, nurturing, reassurance and protection! Sometimes the members of the family just need to be heard and that’s it!
IT COMES DOWN TO LISTENING
The key difference between men and women, when it really comes down to it, is that most men only listen “literally”. Men listen without thinking about if feelings effect what is being said. In other words, the thought is, “It makes no difference what I feel about what is being said. I just need to come up with a way to make this person happy.” But a lot of times, the happiness IS recognizing how the other person feels!
Simply put, emotional listening has feeling attached to it. “Do you feel me? Are you understanding me? Are you sympathetically connecting with me the way my best friend does?” This is a different thought process! Most guys usually struggle with it!
A woman says, “I just need you to listen to me for a bit!” So they guy says, “Okay.” And after the woman speaks for 15 minutes without a response she stops talking.
The guy asks, “What’s wrong? Are you done?” She shakes her head and says, “What’s the point? You’re not listening anyway.”
And the guy says, “I am listening to you intently without distraction. I can repeat everything you said word for word.”
At this point, most guys are thinking, “I’m not doing anything wrong! I don’t even know why she’s upset with me!” What’s missing? The woman needs an emotional component to be involved when a man is listening to her! There is an emotionalthread that is the critical reference constant that allows two people to connect! And men aren’t normally trained to do this! When a man learns this important technique, then all of the aspects of listening for understanding are being addressed and emotional listening happens!
When a woman coos “He understands me” to anybody about any man, you can be sure that he has displayed emotional listening! There is always the one guy in movies, romantic novels, soap operas, etc., where a woman says this about him to her friend. Why? Because the guy made that special woman FEEL like he heard her. He got it! There was emotion that was shared, a connection that was felt. He displayed the magic of connecting on an emotional level through listening!
GET WITH THE PROGRAM!
Only when a woman has truly experienced emotional listening will she be willing to participate in the FIX IT process; if there is even something to be FIXED at all! Whenever she speaks with you, she genuinely wants you to connect with her so you can “feel” what she’s saying! Most times, a woman just needs to vent and you need to help her do it!
I have trained many men how to emotionally listen and have watched their relationships blossom as a result. My tools are effective and important because, regardless of the time it takes someone to change habits, the tools are reminders to EMOTIONALLY LISTEN FIRST!
Can anybody learn to “emotionally listen”? Without question! Regardless of the relationship, emotional listening is a must! Man and woman, coach and player, estranged parent and child or employer and employee!
Ready to learn how to “emotionally listen” and get on the same page in your relationships? The FREE Emotional Listening Training System will get you started! Click here to go the ‘Emotional Listening Training System’ page or click here to begin training with the ‘Emotional Listening Training Videos’! Either way, you will be on your way to a stronger relationship – today!
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The most important ingredient to every relationship is one simple word: communication. but why? it’s very simple: if everyone involved is not in agreement in what has to be done problems will ...More