One of the biggest complaints that women have about men is: MEN DON’T LISTEN! And you can find hundreds of reasons explaining why this happens. You can find hundreds of solutions to change it. But what really works?
As my life has unfolded, I have recognized that I somehow easily become friends with women. Even my wife said, “It’s because you know how to listen to women. You know how to communicate on a common level. Most other men don’t connect with women when they try to listen.”
I thought this observation was, for want of a better word, “weird”! What was I doing differently than other guys? I began to analyze this. One of the reasons that I came to realize was that I grew up with 7 sisters! And of course my mother! So technically I lived in a house with 8 women! How many men do you know have lived in a family with 8 women?
I’ll bet not many! So I attribute this learned skill or knowledge to my upbringing, and specifically my mother and sisters! And one of the things we were taught was, “You have 2 ears, 2 eyes and 1 mouth. Listen and watch twice as much as what you say!” So I instinctively listen the right way! From my boyhood, I listened to “how” my sisters talked WITH each other. I listened to “how” my Mom talked WITH my sisters. And I listened to “how” they listened TO me and WITH me!
Now I believe that one of my gifts is that I am an instinctive problem solver. When I am coaching people in relationships, I intuitively mirror to them what was shown to me as examples of how to effectively communicate! I realized that I would try to explain this different, more agreeable way of listening to my guy friends when they were in the doghouse with their ladies! Their ladies were frustrated because their guys just weren’t recognizing what they were seeking in helping them feel better. And I would try to coach the guys out of the FIX IT mindset and into a CONNECTION mindset.
I started analyzing what I was saying. So I figured out there are two definitions of listening that show up in relationships: solution listening (what men are accustomed of doing) and emotional listening (what women do with each other, especially in a nurturing situation).
Why do so many marriages end in divorce? Moreso, why do so many relationships fail?
It’s well documented that communication is an important component of any relationship. And building and maitaing relationships become increasingly challenging if these two-way lines are broken or misaligned in any way.
The problem is learning how to get on AND stay on the “same page”. Most conversations become arguments. They start off with one goal in mind. Soon, the focus of attention gets changed without all parties being in agreement with how the conversation changed.
That’s why I created the Samepage products: to help people who are having a communicative conversation stay on the subject and talk it all the way through. In essence, helping people get on AND stay on the same page!
How do you save the world? A good start is through relationships. All relationships. Couples. Parent/child. Shared custody parents/child. Teacher/student. Employer/employee. Coach/team. Every relationship.
What’s the biggest obstacle to healthy relationships? “Mis-listening”. Not miscommunicating. Because there’s a lot of information flying around when people are trying to communicate. What sticks? What gets processed? How are different views pulled together into one, workable view so that mutual plans can be made?
Too many couples have heard the statement “You’re not listening to me!” expressed in the middle of a “discussion.” So after the technical definition of listening has been affirmed, i.e., “I got rid of all the distractions, I gave you 100% attention with eye contact and can repeat everything you said verbatim” then you hear the expression, “But you’re not ‘hearing’ me!”
Oh my goodness! What comes next? How do you get on the SAME SIDE of the table so that you can get on the SAME PAGE? You have to find a way to “connect”.
And that’s where the same page products and training come in!