One of the biggest complaints that women have about men is: MEN DON’T LISTEN! And you can find hundreds of reasons explaining why this happens. You can find hundreds of solutions to change it. But what really works?
As I’ve lived my life, I have instinctively, naturally become friends with women. Even my wife said, “It’s because you know how to listen to women. You know how to communicate on their level. Other men don’t listen.” I thought that was weird. What was I doing differently than other men? I began to analyze it. The reason that came to light was I grew up with 7 sisters! And of course my mother! So technically I lived in a house with 8 women! How many men do you know have lived in a family with 8 women? I’ll bet not many! And one of the things we were taught was, “You have 2 ears, 2 eyes and 1 mouth. Listen and watch twice as much as what you say!” So I instinctively listen the right way! From my boyhood, I listened to “how” my sisters talked WITH each other. I listened to how my Mom talked WITH my sisters. And I listened to how they listened TO me and WITH me!
Now I solve problems naturally. I instinctively mirror what was shown to me day in and day out! I realized that I would try to explain this different way of listening to my guy friends when they were in the doghouse with their ladies because the women were frustrated because the guys just don’t listen. And I would try to coach the guys out of the FIX IT mindset and into a CONNECTION mindset.
I started analyzing what I was saying. So I figured out there are two definitions of listening that show up in relationships: solution listening (what men are accustomed of doing) and emotional listening (what women do with each other, especially in a nurturing situation).
Why do so many marriages end in divorce? Moreso, why do so many relationships fail?
It’s well documented that communication is an important component of a relationship. The problem is learning how to get AND stay being on the “same page”. Most conversations become arguments because they start off with one goal in mind, but the focus of attention gets changed without all parties being in agreement with how it changed. That’s why I created the Samepage products: to help everybody involved get AND stay on the same page! At least it’s a start!
How do you save the world? Through relationships. All relationships. Couples. Parent/child. Shared custody parents/child. Teacher/student. Employer/employee. Coach/team. Everyone.
What’s the biggest obstacle for healthy relationships? “Mis-listening”. Not miscommunicating. Because there’s a lot of information flying around when people are trying to communicate. What sticks? What gets processed? How are views processed and plans made? When both parties “take in” that information that is flying around. But more than taking the information in, the parties involved have to feel that their information is understood.
Too many couples have heard the statement “You’re not listening to me!” expressed in the middle of a “discussion.” So after the technical definition of listening has been affirmed, i.e., “I got rid of all the distractions, I gave you 100% attention with eye contact and can repeat everything you said verbatim” then you hear the expression, “But you’re not ‘hearing’ me!” Oh my goodness!
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The most important ingredient to every relationship is one simple word: communication. but why? it’s very simple: if everyone involved is not in agreement in what has to be done problems will ...More